Some believe that romance should just come naturally,
and if it doesn’t, or if closeness starts to subside,
it means that something is wrong. Nothing could be
further from the truth. Keeping romance alive requires
time, attention and the willingness to start fresh over
and over, to learn how to constantly reconnect.
After the initial excitement of being in a
relationship is over, many allow things to fall into a
routine and begin taking one another for granted. They
assume they know what their partner is feeling, that it
doesn’t matter if they come late for a date, don’t
look so good, or choose a night out with friends too
often. It’s important to be aware of what we are doing
to either keep the closeness going, or subtly push it
out the door. Unless both parties feel valued by one
another, the romance will die down.
Remember How He/She Seemed To You When You First Met
For starters, take a moment to ask yourself how you
view your partner now? Do you view them as a hero? Are
they someone you look up to, or do you mostly dwelling
upon their faults? After a relationship has gone on for
a while partners naturally begin to focus on the
negative traits of each other. This is a sure-fire
technique for creating distance and putting out any fire
that might exist. Remember, when you first fell in love,
you only saw the best about the person and focused on
how wonderful they were. If you want the romance to
sizzle, do that again.
Take some time now to write down a description of how
you see your partner. Who are they to you now?
Now, write down how you saw them when you first met.
Right now, consciously choose to see the best about them
again. Stop focusing on their difficulties. See them as
you did when you first met. Your partner will feel the
effects of this, and respond in kind.
Let Your Partner Fulfill Your Dreams
There is nothing that stops us from letting our
partner fulfill our dreams than expectations that have
not been met. Unfulfilled expectations are the biggest
cause of romance dying down. It is truly worth taking a
moment to become aware of what we have been expecting of
our partners and the relationship. Is disappointment
lurking here? Are the expectations we’ve been holding
onto realistic? Can anyone fulfill them or are they left
over from childhood?
Most of the time it is our expectations, not the
other person, which cause upset. In order to kindle the
romance, take some time to notice (and write down) the
ways in which your partner has measured up. Dwell upon
what they are giving.
Are you willing to revise your expectations a little
- to give up a few that cannot be met? Are you willing
to create some new dreams that they are able to fulfill?
Sometimes just giving up one or two expectations can
make the entire difference between a relationship
working or not. Sometimes just deciding that what they
offer is good enough, can dissolve many walls. Can you
choose to be happy and fulfilled by what you are
receiving now? Then can you let them know the ways in
which they are making you happy? The better your partner
feels about themselves, the more the more romance will
Recognizing Signs Of Love
Some just do not pick up the signs of love and
affection their partner gives. They are simply not aware
of the ways in which their particular partner is
expressing their love.
Some men are naturally lovers, able to be expressive,
romantic and affectionate. Others may express their love
differently. They show their feelings by calling every
day, being on time, doing little jobs that are needed.
For many men doing things for women is a way of showing
that they care. For others being there a lot, being
willing to spend time with your family, to listen to
problems that arise are his way of saying he loves you.
It is important to listen to and understand the love
language your partner speaks.
Collecting Positive Memories
Positive memories are like little treasures that we
can collect and draw upon. They remind us of moments of
understanding, happiness and love that have been shared.
They build faith, both in ourselves, our partners and in
Often as relationships go forward, rather than return
to our positive memories, we return to the destructive
ones. This unfortunate tendency quickly causes romance
In order to start collecting positive memories
remember all that was good and fulfilling between you
and your partner. Spend time writing down everything
wonderful you shared. Then, if you care to, you can even
find a seashell or other object that represents each
wonderful memory. Collect these and place them in a
place where you can see them easily. They will exude
positive energy to you. They will help you keep the good
When you are caught in the grip of a negative memory
simply return to your positive memories. By doing this
over an over the strength of your positive memories will
increase as will its impact upon your relationship and
Be Willing To Be Happy
Are you willing to be happy? Are you willing to give
up grievances and allow yourself and your partner to
have pleasure and fun? Pleasure and fun are a crucial
part of romance. When we let go of self-importance and
just play together, we are creating an environment in
which romance can bloom.
In order to truly enjoy one another, appreciate your
time together. Rather than thinking of what comes next,
focus upon each moment and taste it to the fullest.
Being fully present and experiencing the moment
thoroughly is the road to the greatest joy.
Re-choose Your Partner
When all these steps are taken, you will not only be
reconnected, but you will be with your partner because
there is no other place you want to be. The relationship
will not be one of convenience, but one of choice. The
actual act of re- choosing our partners, of knowing they
are the one’s we want to be with opens the door to
Spend some time writing down and expressing the ways
in which you wish to re-commit to your partner, and why.
By doing this on an on- going basis, you will not only
keep the love and relationship fresh, but keep yourself
aware of why you are with the person. As you do this not
only will the romance re-kindle, but the relationship
will be solidly planted on unshakeable ground.